Is there much I can say here? I don't like to fail. It's why I am a little giggly when trying new things, cos if I don't know that I can achieve or do something well, I really don't know if I want to do it at all.
What some people may not realise about me is how insecure I can be about my ability sometimes. The old phrases of "dress for success" and "fake it til you make it" are sometimes my greatest mantras. I can't tell you how many times I've acted like I've known I was doing until I actually did!
I don't like to let people down. It's why I put my all into everything I do, often to the detriment of my family. I've had to learn how to step back and enjoy my time with them rather than being that over-achieving "supermum" on every committee, rushing here and there, snapping at my kids when they want to share a special moment with me because "I'm just too busy" with everything I do.
I found myself questioning my over commitments one day when a mum similar to me snapped constantly at her kids when they approached her on a day that we were working at the school. Now as school mums we were there to make the day a fun day raising money for our kids' school - we were there for their benefit. Yet we were so invested in what we were doing that it was to the disadvantage of appreciating the time spent with our kids. Every time they came near us, we told them we were "too busy", "I don't have time for you now", "don't you know we're doing this for you"
It was a lightbulb moment. I stepped back almost immediately. I walked away from my commitments. Because if I was going to be a failure in anyone's eyes, I'd much prefer it was in the eyes of my friends. I don't want to fail my family.
We only get so many chances to build relationships with our kids and I want mine to be quality. I could spend hours with them (quantity) but without quality it's really just time. So when it comes to time with my kids, failure is not an option.
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